The Clunkster

five high heel hacks that'll save your feet


Settle in bad bitches, it’s time to learn how to wear five-inch heels to the club, dance all night, and fall safely asleep without the soles of your feet throbbing like your hangover headache. 

Or, if you just wanna wear heels to the office sometime, that’s cool too!

  1. Don’t Push Yourself

    Okay, first things first. If you can’t walk in the heels, don’t wear them. I’m serious. I know they’re cute, but they’re not worth the medical bills when you break your ankle trying to bust a move to “Truth Hurts.” That’s not cute at all, and Lizzo would be disappointed in you. And honestly, you won’t look that cute in heels that you can’t wear because even though everyone said you looked great I’m here to tell you that you’re walking like a baby giraffe and, say it with me folks, that’s just not cute (unless you’re actually a baby giraffe; in that case go nuts and rock that blue tongue).

  2. Stick to Thicker Heels

    I know stilettos are super sexy and make you feel like Venus the Goddess of Love herself, but again, how much of a goddess do you feel when you’re supporting the entire weight of your body on teeny tiny sticks? Newsflash, you’re not Rihanna. There are plenty of cute, thick, supportive heels out there that probably look better with your outfit anyway.

  3. Cut Your Toenails

    Have you ever stubbed your toe? I did last week and it actually started bleeding and now I have a bruised toenail. Anyway! Wearing heels with long toenails is the pain equivalent to ramming your toes into that end table (you know, the one that’s been there forever but you seem to have no spatial awareness of?) repeatedly. You should keep your toes and feet clean anyway to ward off fungus and infection. So for everyone’s sake, give yourself a pedicure.

  4. Wear Grip Socks

    If you’re wearing closed-toe heels, I highly recommend wearing the grip socks you wear to Barre class. I read this hack in a Well + Good article recently, and guys, it’s changed everything. My feet tend to slide forward when I walk in heels, so my toes are constantly digging into the front of my shoes (another reason to cut your damn toenails!). When I wear grip socks, I feel like I have a lot more control over my stride, and my toes can breathe, which means more dancing to Lizzo.

  5. Invest in Shoe Inserts

    There are so many different shoe inserts out there for different purposes, you just need to find the one that works for you! My personal favorites (#notsponsored) are Foot Petals, which I reviewed last year. I wear their Tip Toes to protect the balls of my feet, but they have so many different solutions for foot pain, like back-of-heel inserts, Tip Toes with slices at the top for flip-flops, and even teeny tiny ones you can cut and stick on the ends of your shoes to protect your precious pinkie toes. 

Essentially, just do what feels best for you and your feet! Those bitches hold up your entire body, and we need to treat them with love.

Let me know some of your favorite heel hacks in the comments!